Open Handed Plans

Posted on by Analise

I am an obsessive planner by nature. Paper planners are my medium, but I will tolerate a good digital planner that has lots of colors.  There’s just something about pens, blank pieces of paper, and the promise of endless possibilities that brings me so much joy. Also there’s something about a blank poster board, glue, tape, magazines, scissors, and writing down my moonshot dreams that I adore.  I love that vision board parties have become a thing because I have an excuse to do arts and crafts like I did in grade school with the added bonus of planning out my year like a madwoman.

I planned like this for my 2020. I wanted to do all sorts of things like do another marathon, write a book (clearly my moonshot dream), read 50 books, read through the bible, and go on a cruise.

Needless to say, 2020 happened and everything changed.

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30’s the new 30

Posted on by Analise

During this fine black history month, your girl turned 30.

I, too, can’t believe it. It’s as if the perpetually “young” one can’t be called young anymore, technically.

I suddenly get to giggle when people card me.

I have a husband, a child, a mortgage, taxes, a couple gray hairs, extra letters behind my name, etc, etc.

I can now say to my child a variety of black mom phrases, including, but not limited to, “Don’t you see grown folks talking?”

 

In some seriousness, I do want to take some time and reflect on how I have had to let go of what the 16 year old me imagined 30 year old me to be like. I have been having a lot of convos with my friends about this transition, so thank you guys for processing this with me. That 16 year old Lise had a lot of expectations and she was pretty hard to please.

If I could talk to that young lady, I would probably tell her a couple of things about her future life.

 

  1. Marriage is different than I thought it would be. I mean this in the best way. I didn’t realize that relationships require this amount of love, vulnerability, and  selflessness. I don’t think that 16 year old me could have fathomed that marriage meant that I would need to love in the same way I want to be loved. I definitely could not have imagined the wonderful person that I married. I could not have dreamt him up EVER.
  2. Motherhood is not just having a cute baby perched on my lap at all times. I never really thought it was that, but I could not have understood all of the things that my little girl needs from me. Kudos to those of you who had babies in their teen years! You get flowers, so many flowers.  Also, “Snapping back” is actually a societal expectation that will grab you by your neck and have you asking your body, “What’s wrong with you and why have you forsaken me?” After it grew a whole human for 9 months. Side note – thank you, body. You have done a wonderful thing.
  3. In my career, I didn’t expect to still be in training (seriously, it has been a LONG journey). I will admit, though,  I was just getting the inkling that I would want to pursue medicine as a career at 16. I was definitely not one of those people that knew they wanted to be a doctor from the age of 4.
  4. Friendships are a lot more complex than my poor 16 year old brain could handle. When you’re not in high school anymore and proximity friendships are ever changing (especially when you are moving all over the country constantly like I am), you realize that though you have love for all those people, people will weave in and out of your life during different times and that’s ok. You’ll learn from people you’ve met, make memories with them, and sometimes move on. Thank God for both types of friends- the long haul friendships as well as the transient ones.
  5. Faith is what ties it all together and makes me see beauty in all of the change that has happened since I was 16. I love what God is doing here with me and I’m encouraged that there is purpose and a plan here.

 

So, thank you everyone for the birthday wishes! I had so much chocolate cake and got lovely flowers and spent time with people I love.

 

Love,

30 year old Lise

Speaking Well of Your Spouse

Posted on by Analise

Every time people bring up Rome (my husband), I have an opportunity.

I can use the opportunity to air out every little problem that I have been having with him, or I can speak words that would uplift him and encourage him if he were there listening.

This seems obvious, but it ‘s worth mentioning because sometimes married people (I’m looking at you, women) can get in these conversations that start out great, then somehow deviate to the realm of spouse-bashing.

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Microaggressions in Medicine

Posted on by Analise

Microaggression- “a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority.” (From Oxford Dictionary)

Before I took my graduation picture for medical school, the photographer said, “And what do you call that hairstyle? Do you need to fix your hair or something?”

I was wearing my hair in the puff that I had grown so fond of during my then 7 years of being natural. That day, my hair had made the most glorious puff in its own history.

This guy jumped in and made me feel small while I should have been celebrating one of the greatest achievements of my life.

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#ScrollLessReadMore

Posted on by Analise

2019 was a great year. I realize that I am saying that in the midst of Corona2020, when the world fell apart.

It was also the year that I adopted the phrase that is the title of this post. #ScrollLessReadMore

Back in 2018, I noticed how much time I was spending in my phone and not really getting any enjoyment from it. I know that I don’t look in my phone for anything but entertainment, but it really didn’t even do that for me. I was doing the zombie scroll and the time would just drift away from me. At some point, I asked myself, “If I was reading a book all the times I was scrolling through my phone, how many books would I be reading?” This led to me doing some strange things, like sitting in the ICU when I had a spare 5 minutes and reading, reading all day on my days off, and reading a book while walking. Hey, we do it all the time with our phones, right?

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About That Time I Became Sad

Posted on by Analise

Who didn’t want to share this one? Me. I didn’t want to talk about it.

This one may come as a surprise to some of you, but I thought it was important to share about my struggle with depression.

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TMI Group

Posted on by Analise

“We’ll always be best friends because you know too much”

Rome and I allow each other to be completely transparent about our daily lives with a few Christian, married couples. We tell them everything, especially the big scary things about our marriage. Some wives/husbands are having palpitations while reading this, but follow with me here.

This originally began during our premarital class. We had a “double date” class, if you will, with some of our friends. As a result of doing premarital class with peers, we were really close to this couple afterwards. We knew a lot of their secrets, and they knew ours. We felt a kind of freedom when talking to them after this class. They already knew all of our baggage, how we each struggled, and our sinful tendencies toward each other. Moreover, we realized that they had some of the SAME experiences that we did. For more about premarital counseling and why I am a big proponent of it, click here.

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What is a Resident?

Posted on by Analise
Residency- a period of advanced training in a medical specialty that normally follows graduation from medical school and licensing to practice medicine
  via Merriam Webster

Rome does a funny thing anytime I introduce myself to a new person and we get into the small talk of where I work and what I do.

“Oh I work at the hospital, I’m a resident.”

Rome gives me a death glare and subtly motions for me to go on.

“I’m a resident physician.”

Rome face-palms.

“She’s a doctor!” He basically yells.

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Exercising Regularly When You’re Busy

Posted on by Analise

Remember when I told you guys that I am a runner? Yeah… about that.

People who know what 4th year of medical school is like are laughing right now. It’s notorious for being the year where the world opens up to you and you think you have ample time to do everything you’ve ever dreamed of- brunching, traveling, marathoning, acting, spelunking, etc. Then, RIGHT AFTER 4th year, you are thrown into internship, where you are working ALL THE TIME and you marvel at people who have time to eat.

Lise, the intern, found it difficult to find time to exercise in these circumstances, in fact it fell to the bottom of my list when it came to thinking about my busy schedule.

I had to do something, though, because I could tell that my mental health was suffering and I was becoming tired just walking up stairs with my attendings.

These are some of the things that have been working for me.

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Hypocrisy

Posted on by Analise

Hey guys, this has been on my heart and I wanted to tell you what has been going on with me.

One of the reasons that I feel like I haven’t been writing as much is that when I find something that I want to talk about- it sometimes ends up feeling hypocritical. I can’t write a post about how I like working out in the morning if I stopped working out in the morning because it just didn’t fit with my schedule anymore. Or, I feel like I can’t write a post about supporting your husband in his endeavors when I am currently not being a supportive wife.

I have bitten the apple of perfection and when I don’t measure up, it’s not worth sharing.

In other words, I felt like I failed you by writing as an imperfect person.

God is showing me that perfection has never been my story. It has never been my advantage in life.

It’s not even fair for me to expect perfection from myself. That is like saying that I am self-sufficient, when truly I am prone to and even eclipsed by flaws and vulnerabilities. I am not always going to be the best at everything and I surely am not going to get everything right on the first try. In fact, I am pretty bad at a lot of things and I am still trying to figure out most things.

I have learned that this is ok. It’s ok to have missed the boat on how to pose for pictures or do your makeup right every day or dress like an adult person. I have to have grace with myself and I don’t have to appear to be perfect for anyone. The Bible actually talks about God’s grace being sufficient for us when we are weak and imperfect.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I hope that by being completely honest and grace-filled with myself, you can also take encouragement and be grace-filled with yourself. Admit your flaws, He knows them already. Remember why you have a need for a savior in the first place- imperfection.

I hope this serves as a kind of disclaimer for my future posts- ahem, I don’t do anything perfectly and we are all learning together.

Love you guys,

Lise