“We’ll always be best friends because you know too much”

Rome and I allow each other to be completely transparent about our daily lives with a few Christian, married couples. We tell them everything, especially the big scary things about our marriage. Some wives/husbands are having palpitations while reading this, but follow with me here.

This originally began during our premarital class. We had a “double date” class, if you will, with some of our friends. As a result of doing premarital class with peers, we were really close to this couple afterwards. We knew a lot of their secrets, and they knew ours. We felt a kind of freedom when talking to them after this class. They already knew all of our baggage, how we each struggled, and our sinful tendencies toward each other. Moreover, we realized that they had some of the SAME experiences that we did. For more about premarital counseling and why I am a big proponent of it, click here.

No longer could our conversations with that couple be just simple small talk like, “How’s Rome, how’s work?” It was more like, “How are you doing with opening up to Rome even when you don’t feel like it? Are you considering your wife in the big decisions you must make together? How are you both doing with trusting God in periods of transition?”

These are the friends who want to know that we got into a fight yesterday about the laundry. They want to know how it happened, what was said, and what the outcome was. They are invested in my marriage and its success (success in reflecting the beauty of Christ and his church).

I want to be clear about what these friends are. They are not friends who just want to be in our business and know our imperfections (we are broken sinful people who are joined together in covenant, of course we are imperfect). They are NOT friends who join in with me if I were to have a session to bash my husband. That is the exact OPPOSITE of what I’m talking about. I’ll describe them a bit more below.

Why we love our TMI group

They pray for us

The prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective. James 5:16

You know this is a big thing for me, I practically talk about it in every blog post. Seriously though, I believe that we don’t pray enough about the big stuff, small stuff, and seemingly insignificant stuff.

They pray that my marriage is strong, that it would be protected against the evil one, and that we would grow in love toward each other. I don’t know where we would be without the prayers of the friends that can pray specifically for our problems.

They are available

If there is an emergency, I know I can call them and depend on them to show up. I know they feel the same about me. There’s something to be said about an anytime friend. They are a safety cushion that you know you can call at 3 am about your discouragement or depression and they will not only answer but hear you out and resolve to pray with you and help you.

They push us toward each other

This is a big one. I always warn people that seem like they want to be real friends with me that this is what I am known to do. I am not going to let you sit and wallow in your pity and blame your husband for stuff. I am going to make sure that you guys talk it out. After you come and sit and cry on my couch, I am going to send you to your house. NO you can’t stay here. I love you, but your husband needs to be in that house with you, whether you guys are mad at each other or not. In fact, I might even text your husband to come get you if you’re getting too cozy on my couch like you’re staying the night. My friends would also call Rome to pry me off their couches as well.

They show us Man/Woman in the mirror

We all need friends who tell us, “Hey yeah, I know what Rome is doing is wrong, but I am concerned about what you just said. That’s not right either, Lise.” These friends get to be lovingly honest with me by telling me that I was wrong too. They tell me when my crazy is showing. They also aren’t afraid to tell me that I am to blame for things and how I could have done things better. This takes courage and security in our friendship to be able to tell me that I am dead wrong , then find the path back to right again with me.

They are constant sources of encouragement

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

Rome and I both find ourselves in need of encouragement, especially when we are both knocked down by life. Friends sometimes serve as reservoirs of hope for those who can’t see light. My friends have been that for me. A simple call, a text to let me know that they are here and thinking about me mean the world when I am hurting.

We share our burdens

I am blessed to talk to someone who has BEEN THERE. Someone who had the same fight about the laundry just last week. Someone who knows an alternative way to approach things because they have been in this same place before. You both can see each other accurately and tell each other what happened, then keep each other accountable for how you said you would act next time.

Rome says it like this, “Because we can’t see everything, we need someone who is close enough to us to know what’s going on and have context. ”

Lise, this is great and all, but we don’t have any couple friends.

I know what you mean!

Join or start a couple’s group at your church. Go through a book like The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller and then talk about it when you meet up once a month. Get out there and be the friend that you want to have! They are out there! Also, pray about having these kind of friends (you knew it was coming).

Love you guys,

Lise

P.S. – I do have friends who are single and they have the same mindset as my married ones 🙂